SHOULD I BOYCOTT MY DAD?

In the events leading to marriage, the parents of the couple-to-be play important roles in the lives of their children. In this tale, however, a lady is asking whether to give her father any role in her wedding. Read her story:-

‘My father abandoned my mum and us many years ago, and my mum raised my sisters and I alone. My father married another wife, had other kids and played no role in our upbringing. Now, I want to get married and out of respect, I approached him for my traditional wedding. The annoying thing is this man is demanding heaven and earth before he even gives me a list. He wants me to complete his house in the village first, saying that he cannot welcome his future in-laws in an uncompleted building. I have a very good mind of ditching him and the traditional rites. I have spoken with my fiance and his family and they said they will support whatever I decide to do. In fact, my father-in-law has been the dad I have never had since my fiance and I started our relationship 8 years ago. Is my plan alright?’

  • My dear, I feel your dad is being selfish and wicked, what led to his separation from your mum in the first place? Whatever it is, whatever your mum had done to him shouldn’t make him take it out on you or your siblings. Despite his not playing any role in your lives he still has the mind to make demands and give you conditions, that’s downright wickedness.
  • I advise you report him to the elders of your community, I believe they will talk sense into him. Also pray to God about it.
  • Should he insist that you complete his house, you do not have to ditch the traditional rites because of him. You can approach an elderly man in your father’s family to perform the roles of a father in your traditional wedding, if you find none, an elderly man in your mother’s family will suffice. If you don’t do the traditional rites, when a problem arises in the future, though we don’t pray for that to happen, even your in-laws that have promised to support your decision will mock you, saying that the traditional rites for your wedding were not done.

Finally, if your dad remains adamant, ditch his sorry ass. An elder in your father’s family or mother’s family can take over the fatherly roles. Go ahead with your traditional wedding and have a blissful marriage.

Cheers!!!

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TOO CAREFREE FOR BOUNDARIES.

A man tells his story of how his wife of two years behaves in a carefree manner…………

The man has been married to his wife for two years and they have a nine-month old baby. In his wife’s family there are six children, three males and three females of which she is the third. According to him, his wife’s family are close-knitted, and he doesn’t have a problem with that. His problem is that their closeness seems to have no limit and it’s beginning to creep him out.

Though she is now married with a child, his wife can still get naked and dress up in her brothers’ presence. Her brothers and other family members go to their house anytime they want and can walk into their bedroom. One day he watched as one of her brothers entered their bedroom while his wife was dressing up, he thought he was going to excuse her and leave the room, but no. He remained there and kept on talking with her, she also didn’t make any attempt to ask him to leave or to cover herself up; she continued dressing up at the same pace without any discomfort. He got so mad and disgusted.

He has spoken to her but she maintains that they are her brothers and she’s been like this with them since she was little. He needs some advice on what to do.

  1. He should keep on talking to his wife to let her know that she is married and no longer living in her father’s house with her brothers; her body is reserved for him alone.
  2. He should tell her to talk to her brothers and other family members about entering their bedroom, they are free to visit any time they want. The other parts of the house are open to them except the bedroom, it is reserved for the husband and wife alone.
  3. When next the brothers walk into the bedroom he should walk them out.
  4. He should draw the line for his in-laws, and tell them to stop entering their bedroom. He should stand his ground and protect their privacy – he is the man of the house. If they don’t feel good about it, too bad, they should leave them alone.

IS IT WORTH BREAKING UP?

A 24 year old lady tells her tale……….

She is 24 years old and in her final year in the university, she is also in a relationship. Her mum is very harsh, shouts at her, and treats her badly, beating her up sometimes without considerations to the fact that she is a grown up.

One day her mum beat her up and she was crying when her boyfriend called. She opened up to him concerning all that transpired between her and her mum. He then told her that he wouldn’t like to see her mum as a bad and wicked person if they eventually get married. She later felt bad for telling him about it, and this has resulted to her wanting to break up with him. She wants to know if she should go ahead with the break up.

I feel she shouldn’t break up with him over this issue because he didn’t mean anything bad when he said it.

  • She should also check herself and find out what she does that always gets her mum angry with her, and then try and avoid doing them.
  • She should also avoid her mum when she appears to be in a bad mood.
  • She should stop telling her boyfriend, or anybody, about her misunderstanding with any member of her family until they get married after which he becomes a member of her family.
  • She should also talk to her mum when she is in a good mood, or another member of her family, about the not-so-cordial relationship between her mum and her. so that she stops treating her badly.

HE LOVES HER BUT PITIES ME.

 

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes  a guy may be in a relationship with a lady and she may not know what he feels for her, whether it is pity or love. But what if he discloses his real feelings to her? What should she do?

This lady has found herself in that situation, and doesn’t know the next step to take.

She is 23 years old and has been in this relationship for two years. He suddenly started acting in a strange manner, but finally admitted that he was losing feelings for her because of another girl. He went on to tell her that he wanted their relationship to work out because he didn’t want to hurt her. She also said she loves him and does’t want to waste two years of being in a relationship. She asked if she should fight for the relationship.

My advice to her is to quit the relationship as quickly as possible in order to avoid a heart break. She shouldn’t keep wasting her love on him because he is not worth it. If he loved her he wouldn’t have looked at another girl, although there can be a moment of weakness when he mistakenly cheats, but he will come back and apologize to her and mean it from his heart never to do so again. More so, if she marries him she will keep struggling for his attention because his heart is with someone else.No matter what you do, if a man doesn’t love you, he doesn’t love you. What we want in a marriage is love and not pity.

She should also get involved in extra-curricular activities, hang out with friends, learn a new skill or move out of that vicinity so that she can keep her mind off him. If she is dependent on him she should develop herself and learn to be self-dependent. A man who truly loves her will come her way. If she decides to fight for the relationship she will only be fighting a lost battle, this is not a relationship that is worth fighting for at all. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

So my dear, a better man who will love and value you above all others will surely come your way. Till then put up a positive spirit and be strong.

Cheers!!!

SHOULD I GO ON?

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“Many options surround me, but I do not know which one to go for”. This is the case with a young lady.

She made money quite early after graduating from school. She started making a lot of money when she was serving as a corper in Nigeria, and she is 27 years old.

All of a sudden guys started pulling her here and there for a relationship or marriage, but she tried not to get distracted. Now at her age she will like to settle down in a steady relationship and then marriage.

She has always been a decent girl who is focused more on becoming something other than a wife or girlfriend, but now she wants to settle down. Even though there are a number of guys who have indicated interest in having a relationship with her, she has chosen not to double date because she rented a three-bedroom apartment where she lives with her mum and siblings and can’t have guys coming in and out.

But there is this guy that she has been seeing for less than a year now who claims to love her very much though they have not been intimate. He calls her all the time on the phone and says sweet nothings to her, she likes him a lot but not sure if they should take their relationship to the next level due to these reasons:-

  • He has asked her for transport money to go back home the two times he has been to her house to visit her, even though he is working.
  • His mother doesn’t like him.
  • Whenever he buys her airtime, which he rarely does, he ensures that she uses up all of it calling him. For example, he will call her and tell her that, ‘I have bought you airtime, now call me back.’ When she calls him back he keeps the conversation going until the airtime is nearly exhausted.
  • He has ring worms or eczema on his face which he doesn’t take care of, meaning he’s slack concerning personal hygiene and self care.
  • Even though he appears like a decent young man, he sends her rude and obscene jokes.
  • He still lives with his older sister who is married, and works in her company as a manager.
  • When she told him of her plans to start a post graduate program, he wasn’t keen about it and tried to dismiss it.

She wants to know if these reasons are good enough to end the relationship so that she can give someone else a chance.

I will start advising her by telling her that she should talk to her man about getting his own apartment instead of staying with his sister, after all, he is working. Also, she should talk to him regarding his personal hygiene and see whether he’ll change. Apart from these, there are some no no signs that should tell her a little about him:-

  • He still lives with his older sister despite the fact that he is working, this shows that he is a miser. What stops him from renting his own apartment?
  • When he buys her airtime he wants her to exhaust it on calling him alone, also he collects transport fare from her each time he visits. He is stingy and self-centered, if she ends up marrying him she should be ready to take care of herself and him, when it should be the other way round. Yes, she can take part in the responsibility but the bulk of it rests on the man.
  • He is against her starting a post graduate program, meaning he is against her advancement in life. A good partner should encourage his/her partner to build up their lives, and lend a helping hand when it’s convenient.

Having said all these my advice to her is to run away from the relationship as quickly as possible because it is parasitic, which is not healthy. No body wants to be in this type of relationship, a good relationship is meant to be symbiotic and not parasitic.

 

 


	

I NEVER LOVED HER.

People often end up with the wrong marriage partners, thereby making their lives and those of their spouses a living hell.

This story is about a man, Steve, who has been married to a woman he never loved from day one for ten years. Imagine the torture……enduring marriage instead of enjoying it.

He was dating a lady, but along the line he was forced to marry the woman he is presently living with.

According to him, he and his ex loved each other to the moon and back. He did not marry her because his ex’s friend, whom he felt was envious of their relationship, went and told his ex lies about him, leading to their break-up. After the break-up his feelings for her never died, even after meeting someone else and getting married. Four years after his marriage his ex got married to someone else too. They are both not happy in their marriages. Steve is tired of his children watching him and his wife fight, when he gets back from work he stays in the car for a long time trying to muster the courage to enter his own house.

One day his ex gave him a call asking him if they could meet, and he agreed. She brought out a picture of her in her under pants and bra, covered in blood. He shouted and asked her what happened to her. She told him her husband did that to her, saying that beating had become an everyday occurrence in her home.

Three days ago he received a text message from her telling him that they should go far away to a place where no one knew them, and continue enjoying their lives together.

Now he is asking for help in order to save his marriage. Everything went wrong with the marriage from the very start, but hopefully it can be redeemed. I’ll like to point out, first of all, where he and his ex got it wrong in their relationship.

1. His ex should never have listened to her friend when she told her lies about him; she should have asked him if what she heard was true.

2. Under no circumstance whatsoever should he have married someone he never loved, rather he should have waited for a good time, probably when his girlfriend’s anger must have subsided, and talked to her to prove his innocence; maybe he would have won back her love. Otherwise, he should have waited to meet someone else he could fall in love with before considering marriage.

3. In this present situation I will not advise him to abandon his matrimonial home to go away with his ex, he should stay in the marriage and work things out with his wife at least for the sake of the kids. Kids brought up in broken homes or by single parents are not as psychologically and emotionally balanced as those brought up by both parents. Moreover, I do not think there is any religion or culture that encourages divorce, except in the case of infidelity.

4. I suggest the man and his wife see a marriage counsellor, same for his ex and her husband. This will help stop the violence in their marriages, also it will help them create a path for them to start loving their spouses.

5. If counselling fails and the violence continues, then they can consider divorce. A marriage in which there is a threat to the life of any of the spouses should not continue.

These are my takes on Steve’s situation. If you have better ones feel free to comment so we can help someone in need.

Remember, two good heads are better than one.

I CAN’T, BUT SHOULD I?

In this tale I’ll talk about a woman who has been happily married for five years.

Sarah got married five years ago to Philip, and he has been a wonderful husband to her. In the five years of their marriage they have not been able to have a child, and this became a source of worry to Sarah.

This worry was heightened when her mother-in-law started mounting pressure on them to give her a grandchild. Before now, she had been very loving towards Sarah. After tests were conducted on them it was found out that Sarah’s husband was impotent, and this was communicated to her mother-in-law and her husband’s younger brother. It was agreed that this information should be kept in the husband’s family.

Sarah and her husband adopted two children, both of them boys, but her mother-in-law was not satisfied and insisted on having a grandchild of her own blood. She said that since Sarah’s husband was incapable of impregnating her, she should sleep with her brother-in-law in order to have a child of her husband’s blood. Her husband and brother-in-law agreed to this but she refused, and this has affected her happiness in the marriage. Although she loves her husband very much she is not willing to concede to their demands, on the other hand her mother-in-law is still putting her under pressure to sleep with her brother-in-law.

What are your takes on this matter? Should she stand her ground or should she give in to the pressure being mounted on her? Remember that she doesn’t want to sacrifice her marriage.

My takes?……Okay. I think she should keep praying to God because, after all, miracles still happen. Also, instead of sleeping with her husband’s younger brother, she can convince her mother-in-law that they can go for in-vitro fertilization using the brother’s sperms in case her husband’s sperms are not viable. Her mother-in-law will still have grandchildren of the same blood as her son Philip.